Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
