I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How does one acquire holy water?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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