Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
