I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
