if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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