My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
FUCK WHALES
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize