do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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