forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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