That's intense
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Where is the hickey?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
