i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
