i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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