i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize