i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
