so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
