Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Come see our sink grown plant.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
