She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
