There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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