I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
oh god the rape fog is back!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
