im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
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