Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he thought i was a dude.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
