Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
