So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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