then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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