i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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