Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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