Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
