I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
