is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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