Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Holy sore nipples Batman
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
