You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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