We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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