Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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