my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
