Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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