32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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