Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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