but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
