I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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