Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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