Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
