i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
