and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
