im having a threesome with these popsicles
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
