moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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