New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
