What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
