she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
