I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
