so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
