Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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