This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
