No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize