I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
