Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
