We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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