remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
