I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
