I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
