I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
