Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
