Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
