Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
