you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
