I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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