Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
