Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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