I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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