I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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