Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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