Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
