So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
