Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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