found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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