Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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